Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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