Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
