you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
