genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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