Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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