Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
