Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
