fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
