the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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