Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
