my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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