I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
