Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
