i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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