I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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