Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
