no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
