I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
