I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
