My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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