Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
