My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
