Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm like, not good at living.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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