so let's talk penis.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
