That's intense
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
