Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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