census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think your dad took our porno
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
