Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
