My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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