he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
