she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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