wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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