it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
