God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't turn off my feet"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
