I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
