you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
