Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
