i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
