i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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