Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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