HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
