Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
