How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
