they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
