I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
