i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
