By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
