just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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