i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
