Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
